GOING MENTAL... going gone gone....

2002-09-26T23:55:00.000-07:00

the weeks are getting more monotonous as i grow older. dang! how i wish neverneverland was real... and also peter pan, hahahaha!!! it would be paradise for me even though i'm not into pedophilia (aw c'mon, you get what mean about that remark, aight? *wink*). yep, i'm the textbook case of a person afflicted with peterpan syndrome. but that's just a personal diagnosis. though sometimes i think that having the munchausen syndrome would have worked better for me. I've always wanted to be a fictional writer. hehehe!

i don't get brand names. why would certain people want their names on other people's asses, on peoples privates, on people's feet? besides, i don't see the fascination. i'd always prefer non-labeled things. makes me feel different and I LOVE IT!!!

i've always been different. i used to hate it but now i've find ways to enjoy it. and one thing i discovered is that being different is actually a good trait. i remember watching a national geographic show about gorillas. there was this one male gorilla who found a can and developed the habit of rolling it around the jungle. all the other gorillas were fascinated by this strange behaviour. what happened next was he soon replaced the leader of the group. imagine that! then i started wondering (my mind loves this nonsensical things too much) if playing with cans might make me president one day. instead of the usual speeches during campaign period, i'd just kick and send a can rolling down the streets. hahahahaha!!! shite, i'm sooo crazy! i remember a time when i stood in front of ali mall contemplating if i really dare to be different. a few minutes later, i was being cursed and bumped by people who were going down from the left side of the stairs up to the entrance. hahahahaha!!! there was no sign but there was this assumed agreement that people going up need to take the right side. but it was all worth it! i was giddy with triumph when i went inside the mall. lol! i've struggled with inferiority complex during my childhood. i figured if i was going to break free from it, i should at least make it hard yet fun. that'll stop any relapse. and i was right. :)

i always said i hate stupid people... the "slow" ones. But how can i explain my fondness for forrest gump, the three stooges, and to elmer fudge? i guess there's just quick-witted entertainment and vice versa. or maybe it's because i know they're not real. that i would never have to deal with them. that if ever i get tired of them all i have to do is switch the t.v. off or change the channel. feeling in control makes me have lots of patience. makes me feel like time and circumstance is at my whim's command.

well, that's it for today. got to fulfill my obligations at irc. lol!

2002-09-26T01:01:00.000-07:00

okay i'm back.... ey, i brought something. it's a poem i wrote when i was in my gothic-occultic days... would you believe that i even tried atheism. it didn't work though, it just turned me into a freakin heretic. but that's all in the past now. but it makes me feel good when i can say, "been there, done that. so, ya better listen to me coz i know what i'm talkin about!". LOL!

uhmm... before i proceed, i guess, i should say my apologies now. especially to all you God-centered beings out there. i warn ya, this is enoough to cast me out of the catholic church... to have me excommunicated... and for the devil to welcome me with open arms when it's time for my body to become worm food.

it doesn't have a title... just did it when all i can see was red. i was too damn angry at the time. now, whenever i come across it i just smile and reminisce about those days. why does everything seem so funny when they're over? you almost always end up feeling like a complete fool for letting yourself get all worked up that way. Oh okay, enough rattle and prattle... here goes... errr... mind to do the sign of the cross first? lol!

give way to that thief
that stealthy bast*rd
leading me around bushes
like he's the God of moses.

damn him, for he cries
when there's mirth not pain
my downcast eyes that bleed
longs to see him dead

dance for the golden bull
every beat, the price of your soul
i'm on my way to a crucifixion
believing not in ressurection.

2002-09-24T03:01:00.000-07:00

maybe i should start with something personal.... an introduction to the mystery that has baffled thousands... the mystery of the Ate Shawie persona. LOL!!!

hmmm.... geez, for the first time in my life i'm faced with a blank wall.... parang wala akong maisip isulat ah. Wait, lemme do my yoga thing... *sits in a lotus position... inhales... exhales..... "oohmmmm.... ohmmmm... oh my darlin, oh mah dahlin, oh mah dahlin clementine..."... inhales... exhales...* (i would like to say that i am just a fictional character and that any resemblance to huckleberry hound is not intentional. lol!)

hay, there!!! i feel so relaxed and refreshed na. try niyo minsan it really works.

okaaayyy, i'm the eldest, so i'm bossy and pig-headed. i'm a sucker for trivia... the encyclopedic kind and the grapevine kind (trivia pa rin yun noh!). i like everything and everyone. when i mean everything i mean EVERYTHING!!! i like being happy, i like being sad... makes me feel alive. some people see art in garbage, i feel a strange contentment in pain and disappointment. actually, i'm more relaxed when i'm in trouble...lol, explains why i never run out of it.

i love to laugh... why not? it's free, non-lethal, not illegal, and it's environment-friendly. gawd knows we hardly have enough of that going on around the world right now. i'm very patriotic... to philippines and the earth (damn you, you light-year timed UFO-travelling intergalactic invaders!!!). i love nature. when i feel like a zombie, a bird chirping or a weed growing on the concrete sidewalk is enough to brighten up my day. yes, i am too shallow sometimes. i'd rather be shallow than deep because when i start getting all serious i think of carnage, of mass slaughter (now i know why i'm so fascinated with war movies... all those blood and gore... fascinating!). just kidding! i just think of that when i'm angry.. arguing with someone. it pisses my enemy off because he's cursing and insulting me but i'm still smiling.... he doesn't know i was enjoying the sight of him being cut to pieces in my mind. hahahaha!!! hey... i hope i'm not scaring any of you... nah, i'm not physically capable of murder. i just like playing with my mind... and with the minds of other people. it's my only hobby... except for wasting my money on internet cafes and blasting my family's ears with my rendition of Eminem's latest single...

i'm into music... all kinds. i dreamed of being paul mccartney's wife.. lol. truth is i know that's far from reality so all throughout my highschool days all i could think about is how i can be a domestic helper in the mccartney household. either that or i hire someone to build a time machine to bring me back to the 60's.

i would be willing to do the stupidest act ever for my friends... to take a bullet for them, to jump into the pasig river for them if they ever feel suicidal.. lol! you know what i mean, if ever there comes a time that in order to save their lives i must lose my own, why the hell not? i'm not scared of death! i'm a fan of death... if death was indeed a being i'd be proud to be his stalker. hahahahaha! imagine Death requesting the Supreme Court to give him police protection from me. LOL!

ey, i think this would go on forever if i don't stop... i better save some of it for tomorow and the days after that...

feeling dizzy yet? lol! you can't say i didn't warn ya!!!

2002-09-24T02:28:00.000-07:00

ahhh, nice!!! wohooooo!!!

now it's time to start my mission: to infiltrate people's mind with my "nonsense" (mind control mechanisms hidden behind words with occasional hahahaha and hehehehe as decoys). you're still reading eh? hah! that just shows my plan is infallible.. it's already working on you. hahahahaha!!! (THE DECOY WORKS TOO!) lol!

okay, i'm just messing with you. you should have suspected from the start that having any form of contact with me means you'll definitely get messed up. it's always been your choice..... hehehe!

okay, time to get on with it! you ready?........

2002-09-24T02:23:00.000-07:00

okay.... lemme see what happens when i start pushing these keys... gawd, i hope this works. :)